Editing My Leadership
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay," I typed.
I read it over, suddenly remembering Henry Cloud's warnings against invalidating people's feelings.
[delete, delete, delete]
"I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated. It must be hard," I typed instead. Then I shared how sometimes I've been frustrated too, especially because of my own frailties and shortcomings. Ensuing conversations focused on what might be done to ease things, in time.
Did it help? I'm not sure. Cloud says that, in addition to being good listeners (validaters), we need to have a balance of...
2. "likeness" to others (willingness to say, "I struggle with this too")
4. imperfection that copes
It sounds so simple on paper. Listen, don't invalidate. Be strong, yet vulnerable. Be authentic and imperfect, yet cope and be a person of effective solutions. Don't use force (even verbal force) as a means to change situations; just be competent.
All of this seems to require a lot of trust that things really WILL be okay if we strike the right kind of balance in our interactions. We just need to sit with the discomfort of not having immediately fixed others or ourselves. Which sounds, to me, like a kind of... faith.
Hands photo by L.L. Barkat.
Integrity, opening post
Being Nice is Not Enough
Can I Do You a Favor?